Letters to Nico – The Others
by eli soto
I keep a leather bound journal that I intend to fill with wisdom I want to pass to my son. When he is 18, this will be a multi-year gift that I hope he takes with him on his own journey through life. Hopefully, in the time between now and then I can plant the seeds of these truths into his heart & mind and water them often.
Interactions with others brings so much into our lives. On life’s journey we meet so many diverse people and are presented with many scenarios. These encounters can greatly enrich our lives. If we’re not careful, some encounters can also drain our joy if we allow them.
Rather than being a victim of circumstance, it is important to have a good foundation of who you are. Knowing yourself, what your values are and fulfilling your purpose will be the key to a strong foundation. For this reason, is important to decipher whether someone/something can add to your foundation or if they don’t belong on your journey.
We are all human and make mistakes. Mercy and grace are needed for holding relationships and situations together. Some people or opportunities will cross your path and you’ll need to know whether they support or distract you from your purpose. As long as you are standing on the foundation of who you are then you will attract the right dosage of support and challenge needed to grow.
However, when we wander off course for anyone/anything, then there is the danger of being out of alignment with the core of our being. This it is why it is vital determine where we got lost. A good self reflection question to ask is, “When did I stop being happy?” You are responsible for your own happiness by being true to yourself. Did you place your happiness in someone else’s hands by deciding to deviate from who you really are for them?
Making the decision to walk away from anyone/anything that doesn’t support your higher purpose can be challenging if you don’t have a good foundation to begin with. It is my hope as your dad to help you find solid footing so when these days come, you will seek directions back towards your life’s purpose.
Be Honest With Yourself
It can be very easy to want someone/something so badly that we lose sight of reality. After a period of time, you may find yourself feeling unhappy or confused about a situation, a person, or yourself because something’s off but you can’t put your finger on it. What most likely happened was that sometime ago, you stopped being true to yourself and got lost in desired attachment.
Attachment to anything is distracting and things forced rarely last – so when a situation gets rough, reflect on it honestly as it is and not your desired outcome. Never deceive yourself because of attachment! Stop looking how to force it work and start being honest about why it’s not. Honesty in the ears of the heart gives clarity to the eyes of the mind. And clarity is what gives us confidence in our direction son. Allow honesty to be stronger than attachment.
Actions Speak Louder Than Words
You will hear a cliche phrase that “actions speak louder than words.” It’s a tried and true saying for a reason! Pay close attention to the actions of people…or lack thereof. People can say anything – and they often do. However, if someone/something is important to a person, then they’ll expend energy. Words take much less energy than actions. Rarely do people’s actions lie because they had to expend effort to do them. Observe both the words & actions and determine if these two deeds are in alignment with each other. If they are not congruent, then always believe their actions. You can save yourself a lot of time and pain by observing the truth of what is happening through actions!
Priorities & Boundaries
Never struggle for love, attention, or value recognition. If you have to pry it out of someone, then it’s not worth it. No one is ever too busy. When someone/something is a priority, then that person will make time and take action to do what’s important to them. The whole world works this way son. So allow a person or organization to demonstrate your level of priority. Words can be place holders, and we often find ourselves in tempting conversations. However, if there’s no action to back up what was said, then you weren’t a priority. In some cases it doesn’t matter much…but where it counts, it can be painful.
The good news is that growth comes through pain by letting go of that which weighs us down. If you choose not to let go of that person or situation, then you are sacrificing growth for someone/something that doesn’t truly value you. It’s a harsh reality to accept, but then again – why would you want acceptance from someone/something that doesn’t make you a priority? In that light, it’s easier to just walk away. You will be a priority to those that should be in your life and they will provide the right kind of support and challenge to help shape your purpose.
Knowing yourself, accepting yourself, and loving yourself are the keys to your foundation. It is the only compass in life that points to true north of your soul. Alignment with the core of your being will attract people and resources to fulfill your life’s purpose. It will also make it easier to disregard those that would dim the brightness of your smile.
If you do happen to find yourself off course, observe the actions of the situation, others and yourself. Be honest about what you notice – even if the problem is you. Set boundaries or if need be, walk away completely. Most importantly, get back onto your foundation and passionately live out your purpose!
I love you son,